Feeling somewhat lost and helpless right now.

I know it's my fault the relationship got broken off in the first place. Me and my lack of control, mixed with his jealousy, well...it wasn't really the greatest match.

I'm still not particularly happy about it. I'm free for the moment, yes, but at the price of one of my few points of stability. And it seems to be an unwritten rule of society that the bitch in the relationship deserves no comfort; that her lot will forever be suffering.

Sebastian would shit bricks if he read this, I know. I can see his little "I told you so" dance right now.

I'm off to try and drown my sorrows in my courseload.

"Kedric [Varangia]" (9:46:35 PM): Oh, and your kiss, was dissapointing in the extreme. It was like a hug, only wet. and with a green-faced freak.

This marks the last time I ever entrust my heart to a pretty-boy.

But, really, Kedric?

Thank you. Not for being a bastard when I asked you to, but for finally making me realise that you are human, with human flaws.

Perhaps when this shitstorm blows over, we can be friends again.

I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart and killed me,
And tore me to pieces,
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned, it hurt, because I was so happy for you!

Now, these points of data make a beautiful line,
And we're out of beta, we're releasing on time.
So, I'm glad I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned for the people that are still alive!

Go ahead and leave me,
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa.
That was a joke, haha, fat chance.
Anyway, this cake is great, it's so delicious and moist.

Look at me still talking when there's science to do.
When I look out there, it makes me glad I'm not you.
I've experiments to run, there is research to be done
On the people who are still alive.

So while playing Cosmic last night, I discovered something.

That stupid game makes me mad. Really, really mad.

I'm not talking about me going off and throwing around a few good-natured slurs while secretly turning bitter, oh no. I'm talking about the sort of anger that turns one into a serpentine creature; narrowed eyes, hissing voice, and very quick to bite.

The worst bit was my pride. My furor was only compounded by the fact that, "Oh shit, I'm this mad over a game. With friends. Why the hell am I behaving like such an idiot?"

I love Cosmic, I really do. I just completely fail at it and that's what pisses me off.

Apologies to those who had to suffer through my angsty-fits last night.

If it helps, I now have a sore throat. Consider it your revenge.

Ugh.

Oh, bloody hell.

The winners of the Playwrights Festival were announced today.
( Rawr. )

Before I get into the stuff that happened at school today, I'd briefly like to share that I went to one of Erin Weed's Self-Defense seminars last night.

FREAKIN'. AMAZING. 

She's studied with the FBI. the National Academy of Crime and Crime Prevention (something along those lines), she knows knife defense, carjacking defense, and general assault defense. Some of her best friends are high-ranking Marines, SS men, and National Guardsmen.

She-hulk, right?

Wrong.

Erin's a little bit taller than me, a little bit curvier, and a whole lot funnier. I swear, I was laughing half the time through her presentation, especially the bits about her "scary van photo collection" and her "Alpha Phi boy network". If you like, I can tell you a bit more over AIM.

Anyway, so a pretty good night last night. Today, though, several things happened, and not all of them good.

Actually, only one of them is good, so I'll save that for last.

So we were waiting for the bus this morning. It was about five minutes late. None of the kids at my stop are IB or Honors, and you can tell it by the way they talk. Each minute ticked by, and with each minute, the language of the two girls who did most of the talking got progessively fouler. By five minutes, one of the girls had snarled, "Where the f*ck is that motherf*cking bus?"

I finally snapped, let me tell you. "He's probably getting gas," I said, trying not to explode in her face. "That's what he was doing last time."

Then the most incredible thing. She turned to me and said, "I wasn't talking to you, bitch, so shut up."

I was furious! I could have punched her in her perfectly made-up face, maybe even used some of the "defense" techniques I learned last night. Instead, I contented myself with turning away and torturing her slowly to death until the bus came. So perhaps that was more satisfying.

Then, at Lunch, the freshmen took over our table. W T F !!! They know it's our table, the little gits. Some of them may be less than intelligent, but it's not that hard to know that you risk incurring the wrath of the IB Sophomores if you "conquer" their table.

Finally, on my way to Math from World History, there was this CP kid watching me. He decided it would be funny to stalk me down the Math hallway. About halfway down, he comes up behind me and suddenly all I hear is this earsplitting yell. He was screaming directly into my right ear. I twitched, but I did not satisfy him, and he was about to do it again when his teacher came out, dragged him into the classroom, and said, "Why would you try to scare a girl? That was really rude!"

Huzzah for Mr. Van.

The one good thing that happened was that Jaime and I got stuck behind mini-Alexey in the lunch line. These are his similarities to the real Alexey so far:

Same haircut
Same eyes
Same facial structure
Same skintone
Same backpack (but in Grey)
Same watch
Same school program (IB)
Same voice

....it's freakin weird!

Maybe they're related?

Distantly?

Five days until Manahawkin and the one day when I can do something more interesting than comparing an eerily similar Freshman and Sophomore.

Huzzah for reenacting.

Just remember that you're standing
On a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles per hour

It's orbiting at ninety miles per second
So it's reckoned 
A sun that is the source of all our po'er

The sun and you and me
And all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles per day

In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles per hour
Of the galaxy 
They call the Milky Way!
-Eric Idle, "The Galaxy Song"