I hate the fact that I can't talk to half of the people in NOD without them accusing me of something or other.
I hate the fact that whatever I apparently did was usually done carelessly, but yet it's seen as malicious.
I hate the fact that it only hit in full force at the start of my Senior year, and that it couldn't have waited or come earlier.
I hate overreacting to everything because of stress.
I hate fluctuating between sensitive and impervious to insult.
I hate confusion, anger, and sudden emotional explosions that do nothing but make me bitter.
I hate Dagordrama.
- Where I Iz:Mood: moody. That's vaguely amusing.
- 'ow I Iz:
moody
I know it's my fault the relationship got broken off in the first place. Me and my lack of control, mixed with his jealousy, well...it wasn't really the greatest match.
I'm still not particularly happy about it. I'm free for the moment, yes, but at the price of one of my few points of stability. And it seems to be an unwritten rule of society that the bitch in the relationship deserves no comfort; that her lot will forever be suffering.
Sebastian would shit bricks if he read this, I know. I can see his little "I told you so" dance right now.
I'm off to try and drown my sorrows in my courseload.
- 'ow I Iz:
stressed - Da Noise:Constantinople--They Might Be Giants
/sarcasm
- 'ow I Iz:
exhausted
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaangst.
More on this development later.
- 'ow I Iz:
excited
It used to be fun to talk politics--or anything, really--with him 'cause you always got this vague impression that he was listening. But I can't even kid myself any more. Nope, there are only two tracks there. Obama and TSA. Get him off one of those and everything goes to shit.
/bitchmoan
(To be fair, though, I kinda wanted to completely forget the whole "throwing" thing and just bash Mark's head in with Bulfinch's Mythology. If you're going to use big words to sound impressive, please use them correctly.)
- Where I Iz:SO MANY BUGBITES.
- 'ow I Iz:
complacent - Da Noise:The Thieving Magpie
No Nim, alas, but I did get to watch A Clockwork Orange on a proper TV with Mike and I got a shirt that says "Holy shit! The British are coming again!"
It was a pretty decent day, I suppose.
- 'ow I Iz:
apathetic
'cause I feel like I have this whole big opportunity and I'm wasting it.
- 'ow I Iz: annoyed
- 'ow I Iz:
sick
Okay, so you don't think I have any ambition, and I'm no good compared to any of the kids you teach.
'kay, that's fine.
But I start to fear for your sanity when you think that threatening to make me work at McDonald's and screaming at me about how I'm listless and lacking in any and all ambition will psych me up for an awesome summer of work or some such bullshit.
No love,
Me
But with the end of this story begins the tale of Jacie and Nathan.
Here's hoping this'll mark the end of my string of stormy relationships.
And on a completely unrelated note, I'm a gobbo now.
- Where I Iz:Bedroom, after a week in Jersey.
- 'ow I Iz: optimistic
- Da Noise:KC and the Sunshine Band-Keep it Comin'
"Kedric [Varangia]"
This marks the last time I ever entrust my heart to a pretty-boy.
But, really, Kedric?
Thank you. Not for being a bastard when I asked you to, but for finally making me realise that you are human, with human flaws.
Perhaps when this shitstorm blows over, we can be friends again.
I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart and killed me,
And tore me to pieces,
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned, it hurt, because I was so happy for you!
Now, these points of data make a beautiful line,
And we're out of beta, we're releasing on time.
So, I'm glad I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned for the people that are still alive!
Go ahead and leave me,
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa.
That was a joke, haha, fat chance.
Anyway, this cake is great, it's so delicious and moist.
Look at me still talking when there's science to do.
When I look out there, it makes me glad I'm not you.
I've experiments to run, there is research to be done
On the people who are still alive.
- 'ow I Iz:
indescribable
Dear Self,
You know there is almost nothing better than than being needed. You love the feeling you get when someone knows they can entrust you with all their secrets. Hell, you love knowing the secrets. It's why you became a confidante and conscience in the first place.
But really, old girl, don't you think you're spreading yourself a little thin?
Now, hear me out for a moment. You may think you're all tough and resilient and a smart-ass little kobold girl who no-one can hurt. Quite often, you are that very thing. But please remember this: you're not invulnerable.
In fact, let me say it again.
You are not invulnerable.
Why do these people need a confidante, again?
Because they need somewhere to unload their most troubling and/or secret thoughts, right?
Right.
So why don't you have one, hm?
Oh. Right.
Your fucking pride, Self. Your goddamn sense of duty.
You can't stop absorbing the shadows of others long enough to step back and examine the ever-widening fault lines that are slowly starting to weaken your sanity.
You nearly cried today, remember? For no reason at all.
Why didn't you talk to Surg about it?
Because you made it clear that you would listen to his troubles, as opposed to the other way around.
Ironically enough, darling Self, the only person you haven't eliminated for this is Drinian. And we both know that you're never going to be able to talk to him if you can't stop trying to bring him down off of his high horse. Can we work on that so we at least have one viable outlet?
Look, I know you think this is selfish.
But if you don't fix this soon, you'll be severely screwed in the long run.
Love,
Me
- Where I Iz:Angst! Angst! Angst!
- 'ow I Iz:
lonely - Da Noise:silence
You make a promise, you keep it.
Don't think you're going to weasel your way out of making me your Senatorial Aide by saying you think I won't have any fun. Who are you to judge my sense of fun, anyway?
I quite agree with Dumbledore's analysis of such a situation, namely "Oh, [she] never takes the throne. [She] actually prefers the back seat. More room to stretch out, you see."
Look, if you don't want me to be your Aide, tell me so instead of trying to sweet-talk your way of the situation. I may get butthurt for a bit, but I'll have infinitely more respect for you. Ms. Trojan already tried to let me down nicely. That's actually more painful; I'd really much rather be slapped than go through hours of mild torture.
In conclusion, either keep your promise or break it. Don't keep me hanging in the balance.
Very little love,
Jacie
- Where I Iz:Daydreaming again. Ay me.
- 'ow I Iz:
relieved - Da Noise:Only If-Enya
The results for Delaware's Super Tuesday Primary:
Republicans:
John "Da Big MC" McCain: 45%
Mitt "More Money Than God" Romney: 32.5%
Mike "God Says Vote" Huckabee: 15.3%
Ron "T3H INT3RW3BS" Paul: 4.2%
Other: 2.8%
Democrats:
Barack "It's a B, not an S" Obama: 53.1%
Hilary "It Worked For My Husband" Clinton: 42.3%
Joe "I Are Articulate" Biden: 3%
John "I'm Try To Become the Fzcking President" Edwards: 1.3%
Other: .4%
Seriously, what the hell? I can understand Obama, but Da Big MC? I don't see what he's got going for him, other than T-Stanz's massive tirades about how he's completely honest and all that jazz.
Ugh.
- Where I Iz:Huntin' big game with the Second Amendment
- 'ow I Iz:
predatory - Da Noise:Mr. Pinstriped Suit-Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
I've left the Kirbies and been mocked for it.
If this is a precursor to the rest of the year, just kill me
Thank God for Matthew.
"Give me your hands if we be friends
And Robin shall restore amends."
-Puck, closing lines of A Midsummer's Night Dream
- Where I Iz:Fleeing what was once my Eden.
- 'ow I Iz:
cold - Da Noise:Monty Python-The Galaxy Song
At long last, the 2007 Reenactment Season has come to a glorious close.
NOOOOOO. ;~; I WON'T BE REENACTING UNTIL MAAAAAY.
Meh, could be worse. I mightn't be reenacting at all.
The Trenton ball was a lot of fun, thought a bit awkward on my part. I'd forgotten my jacket, you see. Kevin was pissed for a while, but eventually we figured something out. I was allowed to wear Shrek's waistcoat, with a promise that this would never happen again. Needless to say, I looked a wee bit dowdier than usual and didn't get asked to dance by anyone besides Kevin and Katie.
Oh, the shame.
"Road to Boston" was fun, though. You switched partners every time, but no dancing with Tim.
He keeps insisting he's not ignoring me, but he's got a piss-poor way of showing it.
Anyway, I did remember my jacket on Saturday, and that was a good thing. I got away stocking-less both days, without Kevin noticing me...I think...
Pano was there, along with his song. We got along pretty well, and I always enjoy a chance to chat with Pano, so I was hanging around his shop most of the day.
In fact, I got acquainted with several people on Saturday, including--anomaly of anomalies!--the Psychoesse/der Jungfisch. She really is friggin' weird, but she can be nice if she wants to. There were also a few exclusively-Trenton girls, Vivian (a campfollower who I know not what regiment she's with), and a possible new recruit (Kayla).
Good news about her? She's adorable, and she loves history.
Bad news about her? She's ten years old.
Well, good things come in small packages. I think that's the saying, anyway.
Joe, Kevin, and Tim all really liked their presents, and I got monies from Bruce and Dan.
Yay! ^^
Now all I have to do is keep in touch with them all winter.
RIP: 2007 Reenactment Season
"The only proper vacation for a diehard Catholic...shrine hopping!"
-Pano
- Where I Iz:Like I'm swimming in a sea of gelatin. Awkward gelatin.
- 'ow I Iz:
blah - Da Noise:Christmas Music
I walked home with a very, very heavy backpack.
And now my shoulders hurt.
Ow.
Alexeystalin still thinks I like him.
Drumbore's freaky.
PSATs were easy.
I saw Mike once in the hallways.
It's a relief to know that school will never change, no matter what happens in other bits of my life.
I found out there is to be a dance at Lancaster.
I just pray that Mademoiselle Psychoesse doesn't dance!
I don't think she does.
But I really shouldn't care.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
Twenty times.
Now THAT's some serious dedication!
^^
If he wants to dance with her, let them dance.
- Where I Iz:Recuperating from the walk.
- 'ow I Iz:
sore - Da Noise:Pink-Who Knew
When der Timothy says, “You have a pretty face,”
You SWOON! SWOON! Right into his embrace
Not to luff der Drummer is a great disgrace
So you SWOON! SWOON! Right into his embrace.
When Herr Kevin says, “He’ll break your heart one day”
You IGNORE! IGNORE! But much to your dismay
Fraulein Psychoesse steals der luff away
Then she GLARES! GLARES! If you dare look their vay.
Ist he not der pimping-man?
Der vell-known pimping-man?
Ja, he ist der pimping-man
Der lacy, prissy pimping-man!
Ist this Hessian unit good?
Vould you leave it if you could?
Jah this Hessian unit’s good,
Ve vould not leave it if ve could!
How I’d luff to bring him to order
Knock him ‘round the head ‘til he’s in order!
Most Hessians of my race…...vould love to smack Tim’s face!
Until he gets his manners quite in order.
So ven Timothy says, “You have a pretty face,”
I HISS! HISS! And fight from his embrace
Not to luff der Drummer is a great disgrace
But I HISS! HISS! And fight from his embrace.
- Where I Iz:With a sword across the knee.
- 'ow I Iz:
triumphant - Da Noise:Will Smith-Miami
-Mark Twain
I. Am. So. Going. To. Kill. Someone.
WHY!
It was one bag of M&Ms, not a candy heart. The message on the CandyGram wasn't even remotely romantic. "A mad drummer, you are. Completely insane." But suddenly, I do something nice for him and it's bruited about that I'm head-over-heels in love with Alexeystalin again!
The Fiasco was in April. This is the middle of October. People buy CandyGrams for their friends. I wanted to be kind, considering I haven't talked to him since June. I thought everything would have died down. But noooo, I shoulda known he would make a fuss.
Why do I even bother with Alexey anymore?
Damn him for being such a clever bastard. Damn it for being a status symbol to be seen with him. Damn everyone for tearing down my reputation 'till nothing was left but dust and some little pearls.
I do hope I can get this cleared up.
Anyway, other than that, Knight of Music was really excellent. Middletown had some smexy Cavalier hats, and Keener and Matsy were marching with Sallies.
THE U OF D BAND WAS FREAKIN' HUGE.
300+ MEMBERS.
WHOOOOOAAAAAA.
Red Bank tomorrow, huzzah. No fear of hurtful gossip. I can be safe for a few hours.
I need to talk to Randi and Mike on Monday.
One to set me to rights, and one to philosophisize at me so all this petty gossip is left far behind.
And now, to bed, before I go into bad metaphors.
'nighty-night.
- Where I Iz:Mentally torturing Alexey to death.
- 'ow I Iz: crushed
- Da Noise:Earth, Wind and Fire-Let's Groove Tonight
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